Dear Santa,

Buddy, I got a lot to say to you.

First things first; do you read the news?

What the hell is going on with the naughty or nice list? You better be packing a lot more than coal this year. So yeah, the people out here are getting a little shafted; especially by the people who follow the wayward teachings of that son of yours. I think it’s high time you had put a word in with Buddha and Godzilla – maybe get them to have a word with those Christians.

More importantly though fatman. You better have got my letter this year. I sent it December 29th. You better not fuck me like you did over that pony. Because I know where you live. And this year lil’ fuckin’ Timmy ain’t gonna just accept no fucking gift voucher and snivel, this year lil fuckin’ Timmy is packing heat. Don’t think your Elftel security systems will protect you. I’ve got fucking schematics. That’s right fatman; before you start making promises you can’t keep – you better think about maybe not doing those coke advertisements and letting those cracker boxes put maps on their backs. So yeah – you better bare that in mind my rotund friend or you and your rolypoly bitch aren’t gonna be so jolly this year come Stephen’s Day. Ain’t no flying reindeer able out fly a bullet, no matter how red their nose is. Ya dig? This is democracy in action fatman – you keep your part of the bargain and maybe there won’t be so many toasty log fires burning in the hearths about the land.