It got late one night and I got to pondering; what would be the best job to go postal in. Where postal equals batshit crazy.

That is to say, if you were going to just one day, begin falling down Michael Douglas style, what job, what form of employment would really frame it as memorable. I mean, of course, the most important person here is you. If you’re going to go postal and you don’t intend on turning the gun on yourself, you’re going to need memories. Memories will keep you laughing in the asylum or prison. Memories like; “You should have seen the look on her face when I…”

As for other people, as long as you go down in style and maybe with a little bit of humor, that’s all your legend is going to need.

So…

After a long evening pondering I came up with a list. It goes a little something like this:

Stipulation: Wait till she is either in stirrups or the speculum is in or both.

Reason: Nobody will expect it and when you finally do explode, you’ll scare the holy living shit out of people, especially the concerned mothers. That and you’ve sown the seeds for a future generation of monsters and emotional cripples with strange fetishes.

Reason: They’re already half dead anyway, chances are you’re either doing them a favour or they don’t know what’s fucking going on anyway.

Worst Job to Go Postal in:

Reason: Chances are someone will shoot you before you get a chance

Runner up worst job to go postal in:

Reason: Chances are, they’ll just instigate a cover up then promote you.

Second runner up worst job to go postal in:

Reason: What are you gonna do down there anyway when you lose it? Kick shitty water at the rats? Best off leaving it mate and heading for a pint.